Maternal Mental Health

Hello SKB,

I have just given birth to my first child and i am feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I love my in-laws but I feel I need some time to rest and bond with my baby before having visitors. However, my husband, insists that his family should be allowed to come round, right away to meet the baby. He doesn’t understand why I am hesitant and says I’m just being overly sensitive. I am a bit of a people pleaser and dont want to disappoint anyone, but I also feel strongly that i need a few days of peace.

Despite my wishes, my husband has called his parents to invite them over in 2 days time. When I have said I’m not happy about this, he tells me that his mother is just excited and eager to meet my baby boy. I feel trapped in a difficult position. I dont want to cause tension with my husband or upset his parents, but I also feel exhausted and resentful that my own needs are being overlooked. Should I have stood my ground or am I just being unreasonable? Please help sisters x

@nicknackknowsbest

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mindfulknowsbest
3 months ago

Dear nicknackknowsbest, nice to meet you! I want to say that this is such an honest and brave post, I can only imagine that your thoughts and mind are all over the place right now. First things first – I want to advise you from my heart and from my own mistakes. It is your husbands responsibility to manage his family at this time, not yours. I tried to reach out and reason with my partners family and boy oh boy, it turned into a big nightmare of he said..she said. I ended up suffering real bad and became miserable because in the end my partner did NOT stand up for me and my point of view and therefore his family felt it was their right to come as and when they please. In my opinion, a man should always stand up for his wife to his mother. He should be showing his wife the same respect and loyalty he would expect in return, while maintaining healthy boundaries that honor both relationships. Period.

sleeptightknowsbest
3 months ago

Hey girl, congratulations on the birth of your baby boy! May god bless him with health and happiness in his life. I think people need to remember to be mindful of the parents needs and the timing of visits. It might be better to wait a few days or even a week after the birth to allow time to settle back home and adjust to a new routine. I didn’t go and see my nephew straight away, I waited a few days to pass by so my sister could heal and get used to her new life as a mother. I think people should always check with the mother and father first to see if they are ready for visitors, I hope your family start doing the same for you and your husband xx

crackersknowsbest
2 months ago

@nicknackknowsbest – I want to share my thoughts from another perspective, I hope you are okay with that. I agree with everyone and how it is your husbands responsibility to respect and advocate your wishes. However, It’s important for your family and your in-laws to meet their newborn grandchild. It can really strengthen family bonds because bringing a new baby into the world is a big event, and sharing that joy with family especially grandparents really helps everyone feel included and connected. It can also give the grandparents a chance to bond with the baby early on which will hopefully create a special relationship that will grow over time. I am incredibly close with my grandparents from both sides of the family and this bond is so special. I think when you see your baby surrounded by love and support from both sides of the family, your worries and concerns may ease. Sending you love and a huge congratulations xx

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