Hi SKB, I found this on a friend’s Facebook page, and I wanted share it because it deeply and beautifully reflects the complexities of grief. It made me think of Queen Victoria. When she lost her husband Prince Albert, she would sleep wrapped up in his old coats to find some small comfort after his passing. I hope this story about an orange cup offers a bit of peace to those of us who are walking through the painful journey of loss and mourning someone we have cherished…
I washed the orange cup today.
The orange cup is not a metaphor. It’s a small cup – one out of 6 cups as part of a multicloured set. It’s just big enough for a sip of water in the middle of the night, or to wash down a paracetamol or two. I had not washed it since January 1st, before he was taken into an ambulance and never to return. I had picked up the orange cup many times this year, thinking it was time to wash it and put it away. But each time I just couldn’t do it.
I would hug that little cup and cry a little (actually a lot) and put it back on the counter next to the sink. It wasn’t time to wash it – until today. Today I washed the cup.
When my mother died her bath robe was hanging on the back of the door in the bathroom. When my dad died 5 years later, it still hung in the same spot. He had given away a lot of my mother’s items, but that robe still hung in the same spot. If he had lived another 10 years, I reckon the bath robe would still be hung in the same place my mother left it.
Deep, profound grief is weird. So please keep that in mind when you wonder why grieving people do or don’t do, what you think they should do or what you think seems normal. Grief is really weird. They are just not ready to wash the cup.
@postboxknowsbest
Hi! Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. I lost my brother to suicide 10 years ago and it took me weeks before I could even touch his things. My parents couldn’t face to enter his room but every shirt I folded, every book I moved felt like I was letting go of him. Then the time came when I started making steps of progress but they were just slow, careful steps. I cried a lot, especially when it hit me how empty everything felt. The thing is that grief doesn’t have a timeline and neither does the process of letting go. I want to tell anyone coping with grief that “You’re doing the best you can. Keep being kind to yourself”. I hope it helps someone. x
What a beautiful story – thanks for sharing. There is no remedy or cure for grief and this post helps others who may not know the feeling, to perhaps understand it a little bit better. It was so nice to read – THANK YOU! xxxx
Thank you so much, I find it hard to put into words the journey that grief takes you on. It’s not just about losing the person, it’s about how you carry on with life without them. My mom was my world and the loss at first is hard but coping for the weeks, months and years after is even harder in my opinion. I read your post and found so much comfort. You have shared a post that I think is so important for people to consider, especially if they are helping someone go through grief. Reading the words made me feel so emotional. Thank you for sharing, I hope you are okay x
Helpful, honest post about coping with grief. the thing is, grief doesn’t simply disappear but rather it becomes a part of life.