Hey SKB, I just wanted to share a realisation I had over the weekend. I was once a friend who was always there. One call and I would come running. No matter the time, no matter the place, I would drop everything just to help. I believed in being there for those I cared about because I knew how much it meant to have someone you could count on.
Then recently, the day came when I needed them. My heart was so heavy, my mind was going mad and all I really wanted was someone to listen and someone to care. I reached out expecting them to be there like I ALWAYS was for them. Instead of open arms, I was met with silence.
Excuses came pouring in, “I’m too busy” … “maybe later” they promised. Later never came. They had forgotten all the times I had stood by their side, the nights I stayed up to listen, the days I spent helping them through their troubles. I am writing this crying my eyes out in the middle of a café because all the goodness I had done for them has seemed to vanish from their memory.
It hurts. Not just the fact that no one was there when I needed them the most, but the realisation that all I have done for them didn’t seem to matter anymore. They have forgotten the friend I have been, and that stings more than any excuse they could give.
Still, I understand. People have their own lives, their own struggles. But what I find hardest to accept is how easy it is for them to forget.
Now, I am met with contentment. I have learned to sit with my own thoughts, to comfort myself when no one else will. I find peace in being my own support, my own best friend. Nobody can disappoint me and you know what? That’s my superpower now.
So here’s my advice to anyone feeling like I am – Stop chasing people who wouldn’t walk a step for you. Be your own hero, your own best friend. The ones who truly care will show up without you having to beg for their presence.
@blackcabknowsbest
Hey lovely @blackcabknowsbest, I totally felt your post. Honestly you have got to be your own best friend. At the end of the day, you’re the one who’s with you 24/7, all the time. You’re the one who celebrates your wins, picks up the pieces after a bad day, and decides if the world gets to dim your shine. Being your own best friend means treating yourself with kindness, cheering yourself on, and giving yourself a break when life gets hard. You know your worth so you don’t settle for less in ALL aspects of your life. Well done on not relying on anyone else apart from yourself – so many of us cannot and will not do this. xxx
Hey SKB sister, thanks for sharing what feels like such a relatable post. I feel like as we get older we tend to have the same expectations that our friends will be there for us at every single moment of our lives. It’s a hard reality – one that I also had to go through – to realise that it’s very easy for people to forget about what someone is going through. It’s no excuse, please don’t get me wrong. If people were more mindful of others they wouldn’t leave us and say they were busy etc. Unfortunately, I have been on two sides of this, I have been the friend that really needed someone in my moment of need, and I felt that none of my friends were there for me. And I have also been the friend who felt that I could’ve done more for one of my friend’s in their time of need, but I put my needs first and I fear that made me look selfish. The truth is we can’t fill others’ cups if our own cup is empty. Try to think of it in this way, would they have intentionally wanted to hurt you? Especially if they are your friend and you have gone through so much of life together, would they have wanted to add to your pain? These questions have got me through those moments when I’ve been feeling let down. The truth is everyone will let us down. But you’re right, we have to be our our cheerleader (my therapist said this to me recently). It’s only then, that once you stop relying on others, you won’t have that need for someone else to bring you back up, we can do this ourselves. Try not to be too hard on the friend, sometimes our pain and sadness takes over. I hope this has given you some comfort. Sending you love xxx
Dear SKB sister, how are you? Firstly, thank you for writing this advice for all of us. I found it so honest and real. I totally agree, being your own best friend means you will always have someone there for you. You can practice self-love, build your own self-confidence and become less reliant on others for validation and approval. Just remember that on the other side though it can feel isolating and disappointing at times. I think the key is finding a balance, like working on yourself but staying open to connections with others girlfriends. xx
@blackcabknowsbest, hey girl. I wanted to write to you and say that not all friendships are meant to last forever. And that’s okay. People grow and sometimes they grow apart, which I know is painful but also a natural cycle in life. I recently loss connection with a friendship group after I suffered a devastating miscarriage and I now realise that it doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t meaningful, it just ran its course. Now that youve let go of this friendship it now makes space for new ones that match who you are now. Everything will be okay.
Hey,
This sounds really tough and it’s hard when you feel like you’re giving your all to a friendship where it isn’t reciprocated.
It sounds like you’ve come to terms with the friendship and you’re learning to invest your time and energy into yourself as well as people who can give the same back to you.
Friends do come and go and it’s important to be your own best friend and channel that love into yourself.
Sending you lots of love x
Hello! I totally know how you are feeling but let me tell you, there is something so freeing when you have the realisation that you can only rely on yourself. When you are your own best friend, it can help you to navigate difficulties with friends who aren’t you. Recently, a good friend of mine just moved away from London. At first I was so angry because I didn’t want her to move. Then I understood that I can’t control what other people do. I could notice that I was feeling upset and that I needed to be very kind to the part of me that was hurting. I comforted myself when I was feeling abandoned and that helped me appreciate that the friend who moved away was doing what she needed to do and that I still had my dearest friend with me – Myself. We can do it x
Love this advice! x
I also wanted to add that being your own best friend means recognizing and understanding your pitfalls and areas of improvement while pushing yourself to change in ways that are healthier and more fulfilling. It means being an honest friend to yourself and you must listen to your own thoughts, and emotions even when it may be painful to do so. This is how we truly become the best version of ourselves! xx