Hey SKB ladies, I’ve been trying to find the words to type so please be patient with me. Honestly, it feels impossible to put into sentences how this has wrecked me, but I need to say it somewhere. Maybe someone else out there feels the same and just needs to know they’re not alone. A little over two months ago, I lost my baby. I had a miscarriage. A word I never thought I’d have to type or say about myself. Its left me feeling shattered in ways I didn’t know were possible.
I didn’t just lose my baby though. I feel like I have lost the dreams I had for them. I lost the image of holding them in my arms. I lost this tiny piece of hope I’d been carrying with me every day. Oh god, the guilt is unbearable too. I know it wasn’t my fault, but I keep thinking lately “What if I had done something differently?”.
Since my loss, I now spend countless days in bed scrolling on Instagram. Other days I’m just staring at the ceiling. I try to keep busy but I cry at random times. Sometimes over triggers and sometimes it just sneaks up on me. I feel like my body betrayed me and I can’t stop blaming it.
Then there is the loneliness. People try to comfort you, but they don’t get it unless they’ve been in this position. If I hear “It will happen next time” once more, I think I will scream. I’ve struggled to talk to even my closest friends about this because I don’t want to be sad all the time. I’m still here. I’m showing up. Writing this on SKB is a part of me fighting back. I might not feel ok right now, but I know I am not the only one feeling like this. I don’t have the answers to help other women, but I know the weight they are carrying. It’s okay to cry and to scream.
If you have been through this or you’re in it right now please feel free to share. I would love to know I am not on my own.
@klmariaknowsbest
You are so brave for sharing this, and I’m glad that writing your post gave you that sense of power and encouragement to keep going. You are doing great and honestly us women don’t talk about this enough. Please don’t hate yourself for this, you have to be kinder to yourself. It wasn’t you and it’s not your body letting you down – your baby wasn’t ready for the world yet, but they will always be a part of you and nobody can take that away. The longing for them will always be there but it’s about trying to cope with that. Have you thought about joining any grieving/miscarriage help groups? Or have you thought about therapy? It’s always good to talk to someone, and I often find it’s better to talk to someone who doesn’t know you, they can give you their unbiased, non judgmental, no strings attached advice/listening ear. Because I completely get that you don’t want your friends and family to think you are just sad all the time – even though it’s absolutely fine if you are! You will get through this, every day you wake up is another day you’ve made it through. Remember to be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time xxx
Hey lovely @klmariaknowsbest I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I want you to know that grief is complicated and healing doesn’t have a timeframe. You might not feel it now, but you will be okay. It might take time and that’s perfectly fine. You must remember to be gentle with yourself and please lean on others like friends, family or even strangers like me who care about you. You don’t have to go through this alone. You are braver than you think and women like me admire you 💜
Hey sister, miscarriage isn’t easy in either the emotional or physical sense. Those that have experienced it understand, those that haven’t, don’t – which is understandable as it doesn’t get talked about enough in my opinion. You’ve been growing a baby for however many weeks – in my case 13 weeks – so it’s not like a heavy period and nothing prepares you for it. The contractions, the blood loss, the clots, the pain, the blood transfusions in my case, and the other complications. I keep going each day but how I do not know. I’m the person who’s angry but I don’t know why. I’m the one who rarely smiles and laughs, because all I feel lately is sadness. I’m the one who won’t let on that the hardest thing I have to do some days is choosing to get up when I just want to curl up and give up. You are not alone and how you feel, I can totally feel your pain. I wonder what the future holds but all I can do is hold my husband’s hand and keep getting up each day. Without him and a few others, I’d have nothing.I hope that by us ladies breaking the silence it may lead to a better understanding of the struggles we face, and using She Knows Best means we can help someone else in the same situation. Love to you x
Hi there Sister @klmariaknowsbest, thank you for reaching out to the SKB sisterhood. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. The Miscarriage Association based in the UK, have asked us to share helpful articles from their platform that may be of support and guidance. SKB and The Miscarriage Association UK are working together to spread awareness and offer support to the SKB community who are going through the same experience as you – you are not alone and the sisterhood is here for you.
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/how-we-help/our-support-services/
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/blog/mental-health-and-miscarriage-psychotherapist-advice/
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/blog/mental-health-after-pregnancy-loss/
SKB Admin Team
We love you SKB admin! Thank you for sharing the links❤️
Sending you love and blessings sister. Your words hit me hard and I am sorry you are in so much pain. I do not know what it is like to be in your shoes but I do know the feelings of immense pain and hurt and because of life experiences. I want to tell you that you are not alone and that you are allowed to feel how you do. So many women suffer in silence and joining SKB is the first step in your healing journey. Well done darling x
Thank you for posting this and for sharing your pain so bravely. I had a miscarriage recently and if you ask me about coping, well I didn’t cope. I slept. When i say this, I mean i was fully bed rotting. I didn’t move, I had blackout curtains and I lived in a cycle of sleeping and crying and repeating. I did this for a month, at least. I had friends who would come over and bring me out, I actually enjoyed myself sometimes, but the second I was home I undressed and climbed into bed. I didnt brush my teeth, i didnt wash my hair, I was lucky if i got myself up to go to the bathroom. Sometimes it still feels like that. We are all trying to manage and reading your post made me feel more human. Thank youx