Deciding Its Time For A Divorce

2025 is here and I have decided I want a divorce. I have no one to tell. Well, I have family to tell but I don’t want to worry them. And the friends I would tell, we are all connected as we share mutual friendships with our partners.

I feel bad and I feel like I have failed. We are both good people. his emotional maturity is limited. I have tried for years to cope, empathise, educate, listen, change, manage, redirect, try, try, try, try, try. His ideal partner is somebody who can tolerate his moodiness, his silent treatment, his negativity. Those things are slowly just sucking the joy from my body. At this point I think all the cliches are true – life is too short, it’s not worth it to be unhappy this long. Be true to yourself. They are cliches for a reason. Life is too short. I deserve to be happy in my relationship. In my life.

This is the first time I have admitted this outside of my own head.

I would love  a response from anyone reading this because it would be nice to know I’m not alone. Someone out there has felt this way and made it through. Someone out there is reading what I have to share and is sending me good vibes. Someday soon I will be ready to share this with my loved ones and friends. But for now – this is a good place for me to share. 

I would love to know when did others decide they wanted a divorce, what was the turning point when you decided enough was enough? Does anyone have any experience of filing for a divorce in the UAE? Me and my soon to be ex-husband are both British and non-muslim, if this effects anything?! Any advice would be so appreciated. 

I mostly wanted to see how I would feel typing this all out. I feel a mix of fear, worry and failure. But also a lot of relief. And then that relief turns to sadness because I know I’ve made up my mind. I expect that relief to become stronger and stronger. Thanks for reading, internet friends.

@airportloverknowsbest 

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sleeperknowsbest
29 days ago

Hello sister. I can definitely relate but I am years out from leaving and the divorce is final. The moods, tiptoeing around, trying to make things easier, training our boys to accommodate his shortcomings and moods. So glad to be done but yes I’m sad. By training my kids to accommodate him, when I left only then I saw the difference in their behaviour and moods. I advocate for the sooner the better because I waited too long and for the kids to be grown. Looking back, I should have left for my mental health much sooner. Good luck and wishing you strength.

gymgirldailyknowsbest
29 days ago

Hey,I am reading this and I am in almost exactly the same place you are, except I’ve just now started hinting at my family that it might be coming.I 100% agree, the cliches are ringing much more true to me these days. It’s the constant negativity – it is actually CRAZY to see what being around that can do to a person!! I used to be an optimist, I fear I am now becoming him through association. I need to leave.I have been testing out how I feel when thinking about it in various scenarios and my overwhelming feeling is also of relief. I think this is a sign and means we are on the right track and will eventually be better off.I wish you the best, good luck.

Midnightstarknowsbest
23 days ago

Good luck! Life is too short and you are responsible for your own happiness – nobody else. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide.

coconutjellyknowsbest
29 days ago

I remember the moment I knew I wanted a divorce.It was when I told my therapist I wouldn’t date him if I met him today. It honestly took months for me to fully embrace what I had said there. The takeaway thing binding me to him was our history and that he was just already in my life – not that I genuinely wanted him here. It opened my eyes honestly. Wishing you peace sis.

tiredchickknowsbest
26 days ago

Hi lovely. I read your post and I want to tell you something. I hope you see this and I hope you read this knowing you are not alone or by yourself. The feelings you wrote about especially the part where you said relief turns into sadness – girl this was me. I have been divorced now for 1 year and I realise now this one statement that gives me SOOO much comfort when my mind starts to get sad. The person you married is not the same person you divorce.

elizabethknowsbest
26 days ago

Good evening fellow SKB sis. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, we are a sisterhood and I hope you feel better typing out what was in your mind. One thing I learned getting divorced fairly young (I was 33) was that we only have one life, you have to make sure you’re happy. Marriage was not the partnership I expected, especially after having kids. I was doing the majority of the household work while also doing the majority of the childcare and working full time. I suddenly realized this couldn’t be the rest of my life. And things are sooo much better now. You got this and we are all with you! xx

laurenhappyknowsbest
26 days ago

Hello,I think we learn that even if we stay married and never get divorced. I’ve only been married once, never divorced and I hope to keep it that way. But my husband today is not the same person he was 13 years ago. I’m not the same person either. So many things have happened since then. Parenthood, home ownership, a long list of health problems for both of us, the death of one of our parents…the list goes on. Those things add up and make us different people.

Sarah.portmanknowsbest
23 days ago

Love this! So true and it’s human nature to change and adapt as life evolves. Such a good perspective that is a helpful reminder to us all.

Flowergirlknowsbest
23 days ago

Hey girl, it’s a big step to decide that your marriage isn’t working. It’s huge. If it isn’t uplifting you or fulfilling you and you know you have tried absolutely everything to make it work, then you have to listen to what your gut is telling you. Only you know how it is affecting you. Marriage takes work. It takes effort from both sides to compromise and keep that fire burning and alive. Only you know how much more of it you can take. Have you had conversations to understand why your husband might be behaving like this? I hope that things get better and you do what is best for you. Sending you love x

Last edited 23 days ago by Flowergirlknowsbest
Lemondrizzleknowsbest
21 days ago

It takes a lot of courage to even contemplate the thought of divorce so you have already taken the first step to prioritise yourself and what you want from life.
We only have this one life and to live every day walking on egg shells and not knowing which version of the man you married you are going to see that day is no way to live.
There is fear and stigma still attached to a south Asian woman being divorced. However there is also a lot more awareness to domestic abuse in all its different forms that should not be tolerated by any woman.
When you have tried so hard to make the relationship successful you have to then give yourself credit and some compassion when all those channels are exhausted and do what’s best for your physical and emotional wellbeing.
Taking the first step is the hardest but life on the other side is waiting for you. There will be days everything feels heavy and overwhelming but you must remind yourself that you deserve to be happy and at peace.

Wishing you all the best x

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