Hi SKB, This Christmas feels heavier than I ever imagined. For the first time, my mum won’t be here. She passed away earlier this year. Everyone around me is happy and jolly but my sadness fills my days with silence and heartache.
Every year, Christmas was my mothers favorite time. The smell of her roast dinner. The sound of her laughing. The way she made everything feel happy even when times were tough for us. Now without her, the magic feels like it’s gone and it isnt the same. I feel so alone. Everyone around me seems so full of festive spirit but I’m just trying to get through the days without breaking down. I don’t want to burden anyone with my sadness, but I also can’t keep pretending I’m okay.
Ladies, if you’ve ever felt like this and if you’ve ever faced a Christmas without someone you loved so deeply, please, please let me know I’m not alone. Tell me how you cope, or just please tell me this feeling will pass. I need something. Right now, I need reminding that it’s okay to feel this way. I know it’s the season of joy but is there room for my grief and is there any way to find some comfort?
Finally, If you’re feeling lonely too, know I’m here with you this Christmas. I cant wait to hear from the SKB Sisterhood. Happy holidays to you all and thank you for reading everyone. From @olafsnowmanknowsbest
Christmas without that loved one the first few years is incredibly difficult. I feel for you but don’t put any stress or expectations on yourself to carry on as normal. That is a misconception as you are still grieving a huge loss … the loss of a parent.
Do what brings you comfort and not what everyone else is or what you think you’re supposed to be doing. Grief comes and goes in waves so when it feels overwhelming let out those emotions and have a cry.
Don’t try to carry on and put on a smile when your heart is in so much pain. Those close in your circle will understand that you need your space and time to grieve. Sending you so much love and comfort 🖤
Hi lemon drizzle what a beautiful comment, I agree with you sis. I think we must do what is best for us, not what society says. Grief is hard right but we all deal with it in different way. Let’s all just try and aim for peaceful holidays.
Yes, such true words. People shouldn’t be expected to just put on a smile and be full of happiness. Some of the people will be trying to accept and deal with the grief in private. I really love this comment. Thank u sister.
Hello sister, I love your username olafknowsbest. I read your post and I wanted to share my own journey with you to give you comfort. I’ve been spending Christmas on my own for over a decade now. My parents have both passed and I’m not close to my family who all live in a different country. While I do have a girly friend group, they all have family they visit and tbh I’m not comfortable tagging along.
Still love Christmas and celebrate it all month long. Actually planning on decorating my house for it this weekend. Look for stuff to do around your town and go do them even on your own. Just because it’s advertised to larger groups doesn’t mean you can’t go do stuff on your own. For years I’ve been going to this acapella christmas concert that happens. Some years on my own, some with a friend. Always a fun time because I drink some hot cocoa on the drive out there, listen to holiday music, and then go check out the light displays on the way home. Visit christmas craft sales. I don’t buy much because I don’t exchange gifts with people, but I still enjoy walking around, looking, and soaking in the holiday atmosphere. I hope you find some peace and calm this festive season. Hugs to you x
Good evening olafknowsbest, my name is lovergirlieknowsbest and I have just come by your post on SKB. First, thanks for sharing your feelings with us all. Here in America, we have very limited options to seek and share advice, that’s why I love this platform so much. Second, I have felt exactly the same as you and even used to dread Christmas Day and would count down the hours till it was over. Then I decided to do things differently so I made my own traditions. Set up some structure around your celebrations and turn them into your own traditions. Maybe try listening to a specific album when you set up your tree. Watching certain shows/movies along with certain other activities make me feel more festive. Like I love to watch the cartoons from my youth when I’m writing the christmas cards I send out. On Thanksgiving, I watch the old Miracle on 34th str since it starts with the macy’s parade. These little things help me, I hope they help you. Wishing you love and strength darling!
Welcome sister, a beautiful post you decided to bravely write here. If you live in a city with a high homeless population, you could drive around and pass out small bags of toiletries, gloves, snacks, etc. Basically doing something for those who have nothing may make you feel a lot better about the day. Another option if you don’t feel safe doing that is you could call around to local nursing homes and see if there are any senior citizens you could “adopt” who don’t have family—you could totally make the day of someone else who feels lonely/forgotten. You can do this hun, it’s one day and arrives quickly and leaves quickly. Take care.
Yessss, this is so true!! Older generation will surely be feeling the loneliness this year. It will be amazing if people took this advice and give their time to the older generation during this season. Thank you for such a great suggestion sister.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are definitely not alone in this, there are many people feeling the same way, especially during these real family focused times. I am the same, I always feel that people show they are having the best, most jolliest times during Christmas and it makes me feel like I must have this same experience otherwise I am missing out. We have to remember it is all the facade of social media. We will never see those not-so-happy moments, but they definitely do happen – the arguments, the loneliness, the food not going to plan, having to endure family gatherings when you really don’t want to, the money struggles, the health issues. Allow yourself to feel every emotion you are going through and please know you are never burdening anyone with your sadness. Perhaps reach out to family members/friends so you can share memories of the happy times with your mother. Maybe even think of taking up volunteering in the new year, so you can keep your mind busy, but also give back to people who might be feeling the same. Giving you a virtual hug right now xxx