Hi She Knows Best,
I am a 29 years old female and living in New York but my family background is from South Asia. Right now, I really feel confused and need some advice. In my extended family, arranged marriage is still very common. I don’t know if this is the same everywhere in Pakistan but from what I have seen, the culture is still quite religious and conservative.
So lately, I have started thinking super seriously about marriage. I am considering to let my parents help me find a husband by looking at the possible matches and speaking with the other families. To be honest, I am a little bit nervous because when I look at all the arranged marriages around me.. I don’t see many happy ones. Like even the ones that look great from outside, later we find out about problems through family gossip. Maybe most arranged marriages are like this? I’m not sure. Maybe I just have the negative view because of what I see around me and I really want to get the full picture from the ladies on she knows best.
I would like to know what do other women think or feel about this?
Sometimes I feels like marriage is something we are taught is the most important goal in life. The man finds a wife, has some children and then that’s it. Many times, I hear the woman is not very educated or independent. The marriage doesn’t have true love and it even looks like emotionally painful. It makes me feel very sad. I really want to explore the arranged marriage option but would really love to hear some of the experiences of the ladies here. Thank you ladiesss!
@brooklynbabe23knowsbest
Hi sister, I love this post so much because I feel arranged marriages are not talked about enough. To be honest, the whole idea of arranged marriages has completely changed from what it used to be in our parents time. Back when they were shown a picture of their spouse were told to make a decision based on that, and the next time they saw their spouse was literally on their wedding and no discussion or conversations were held before hand. Personally I look for building a connection with someone before even considering them for marriage. If I don’t feel some sort of connection (whether it’s a proposal my mom suggested or someone I picked out for myself) then it’s a no go. So at the end of the day, you gotta do whatever works for you 🙂 xx
love this….so many pplz think it is like the old dayz
Not all people will meet their perfect soulmate in this life. If your goal is to have a happy and strong home full of love, then arranged marriage can also be a good option. Both people must really try hard to try to love each other, understand each other and work like a team. It is not perfect and sometimes it may not work out but that is the same for anything in life. I say go for it and I wish you good luck in finding true love!
Yes!
Hi so one of my friends was in a serious relationship for 7 to 8 years and in the end she didn’t marry him because he chose to be with another girl. In 2022, she got married through an arranged marriage. And now, in our friend group, she is one of the happiest in her marriage Mash’Allah. She fell in love again with the man she met through the arranged marriage. So yes, it is really possible to find love again, even if it happens through an arranged match. Wish you all the best sister!
wowww, this is amazing!!..!!
Hey sis, this is something I was speaking to my girl friends about last week. You can try to see it like this…in love marriages, usually love happens first and then marriage comes after…but in arranged marriages, first the marriage happens and then slowly love starts to grow. I hope you consider your choices and find love regardlessxxxx
Hello @brooklynbabe23, I didn’t have an arranged marriage. I met my husband when I was 28 and at that time honestly neither of us felt ready for marriage. We finally got married when I was 35 and honestly it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. We just welcomed our first child a few weeks ago. What I want to say is I really encourage you to take your time. It really doesn’t matter how you meet your person. What truly matters is that there’s mutual respect and love. All the best love!
yes no more are the girls marrying so young, I marry at 35 too, I do my education and schooling and I work in the accountant office and it was good for my independence making my money. after I then marry this nice man and I too am also happy I wait for marriage. he is really a good husband and he respect my job and my independence same like his. just take your time sister.
Hey sister, I really hope you chose what you think is best for you. The idea of “arranged marriage” is changing and it’s not like what people think it is. One thing I would advise is make sure you discuss important things with the potential partner first before agreeing on marriage. Im sire you will do this anyway but some things to talk about in Detail first are:
1.Kids/finances/living situation and plans- most important
2.How will tasks and responsibilities be divided among you two
3.Health habits/ food habits ( it doesn’t matter at first but seeing your partner slowly neglect themself is damaging to your potential marriage.
4.So apart from savings(obvious) learn about what they spent on the most and if that affects you.
Good luck and wishing you lots of success in your future marriage, arranged or not! x
Totally agree, these things are so important to see if you have compatibility with the person and if you think you can build on these views as the foundations in your marriage.
I saw the video on instagram and I think this is such an interesting topic that I think women should talk about more and share about more. Thank you for speaking about it sister. So many people dont fully understand arranged marriages and the concept of it in the modern day. So I had an arranged marriage. But my marriage was after 4 months of meeting in person. We were speaking on the phone and whatsapping all the time. We fell in love within a few weeks and to be hones with you I couldn’t wait to get married to him. During our chats ,it was actually amazing how everything about our thoughts, habits and thinking patterns matched perfectly together. Now I feel like I got married to my bestest friend.
I love this post and can completely relate to it as I’m going through the exact situation. Its been a few years since I’ve been single and I’ve found online dating so frustrating and have not had a good experience. I’ve become very selective and I dont trust easily. I always knocked the idea of an arranged marriage when my mum would bring it up. But now, I find myself much more open to it. This generation of dating from what I’ve seen, is awful, some have given off stalker vibes and others are after 1 thing! so i now think, asking the parents to filter out all the toxic ones may not be so bad after all! If anything we know they will do a pretty thorough background check for us! I would say keep your mind open girl, you have nothing to lose x