I met my friend at university in the UK. When we were students, I was always the more popular and most liked out of the both of us. We did everything together and she was always my plus one to things. After graduating, we stayed friends even as we started working and our bond remained mostly unchanged. I was her wing woman when she wanted to meet cute men or go to the latest parties on a Friday night. But lately, things have been hard for me. I graduated during the pandemic in 2021 and haven’t been able to find my feet, still living with my mum and dad and doing odd jobs and now I’m working in recruitment which I hate. On the other hand, she landed a job straight out of university in PR, was promoted and now is working at a different agency pursuing her dream and constantly posting from fancy events. I know I should be happy for her and celebrate her success but…. I just cant! I’m so jealous this isn’t happening for me and I am ashamed of my life compared to hers. We are hanging out less now too, but I don’t know if that’s because of her busy schedule or my own bitterness and resentment. How do I get over this and make our friendship work?
@jelousyknowsbest
Hey @jealousyknowsbest. Look jealousy is a normal feeling and so many of us ladies feel jealous all the time. I want to ask you this though – what specifically is triggering your jealousy. Is it your friends success, personal relationships, or lifestyle? If its her success thats bothering you – instead of viewing her success as a threat, try to see it as inspiration. What can you learn from her because I am sure she wants to see you thriving and would help you. I also think it’s important to redirect your energy towards your own goals and passions. If you set personal objectives that excite you, and celebrate your own achievements, you will be in a better place to celebrate your friends achievements and wins too. I know it can feel like you’re being left behind in life but everyone is on their own journey. For some of us, things happen quickly and for others it takes longer. Embrace your own journey and celebrate the small wins for yourself, you will see your life and mindset changing.
I think we all have areas where we feel we lack and we compare ourselves to others. Especially as women, we do it so much. We have so much pressure put on us, our body clock, we must be successful, we must know how to do everything, we basically need to be independent, perfect individuals and it’s just not possible. Sometimes we outgrow people we once we close with. Sometimes they outgrow us, and that’s fine because we need to focus on our own selves and our mental health. See if there is any way you could go along with your friend to these events and things she does? You could get involved that way and not feel like you’re missing out. It might even be your way of getting your foot in the door? Either way, if the friendship is fizzling out, maybe that might not be such a bad thing, especially if it’s making you feel down about yourself. Everyone has their own journey and I’m sure your time will come. Try not to be too hard on yourself xxx
Hi my name is pepsiknowsbest and I think It’s great that you are aware of your feelings and are trying not to let them consume you. I’d say work on becoming a better version of yourself. Redirect all that jealousy towards enhancing yourself, whether that’s stepping out of your comfort zone and meeting new people. Take some time to reflect on personal strengths and weaknesses so you know what to work with.Also, understand that while there may others who may be “better” than you, it does not mean that you are inferior and have nothing to offer. As women we can be quite hard on ourselves thinking that we should always be striving to improve, but personal growth is continuous x