Hi ladies! @Samknowsbest here.
I want to ask you all something. Is it a bad thing for you to spend most of your time with your partner and prioritise time with him over your friends? I find it so jarring when people gossip about others and say, “Oh we don’t see her anymore now that she’s in a relationship”. I will be honest – there is nobody on this earth that I would rather spend time with more than my fiancé. This is not because my friends aren’t needed, or I don’t value my friendships with other girls. This is because I have waited for so so long to spend quality time with that special someone. Once you find your person, you quickly realise that the “thing” you have been searching in “come and go” friendships and partying, will never EVER amount to the presence of this one human. I want to go on romantic walks on the beach, I want to travel to unknown places and I want to go to those restaurants I’ve been saving in my notes app – all with this one man, just because.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with spending time with your partner because how will your relationship grow and develop if you don’t spend time together?! And for those who may feel left out, is that because the other person is not readily available to you as she was before getting into a relationship?
I completely understand and appreciate why spending time apart is healthy and that it is good to continue to maintain your friendships with others. My therapist has spoken to me about healthy attachment styles and a key feature of that is spending time outside of your relationship with your girlfriends to continue to build those womanly connections that females have with one another.
But to come back to my point, is it reasonable to expect your friend to be there for you and to continue to do all the same things with you, as she did when she was single? Is there an unspoken social understanding that people may prefer to do certain things with their significant other as opposed to their friends?
Give me the tea ladies!
@samknowsbest
Hi @Samknowsbest I can totally relate, when I’ve been in past relationships I’ve had friends that have made comments here and there about our friendship dynamic changing I remember at the time, feeling defensive, however now looking back I do feel like these comments came from a place of hurt, maybe I could have made more of an effort and been mindful of their feelings. Saying that,I think understanding needs to come from both sides. Of course when you’re in a loving relationship, the friend should understand that your priority is your other half. This will inevitably slightly change the dynamic of the friendship and you may not have as much time to spend time with each other. This doesn’t mean your friend doesn’t love you any less, we should be supporting each other. Be happy for the friend thats finally found love, shes finally moving to the next chapter of her life and you’re seeing her grow, which is beautiful. On the flip side, be there for the friend who’s struggling with this new change in your friendship, she could be feeling lonely and missing you, arranging a few coffee dates could be all she needs.
Change is always hard but this all part of growing and maturing. We can still love our friends the same and make effort to spend time together! Women will always need a support circle and only we can understand each other like sisters. I think the issue arises when effort is completely lost on both sides. Effort is a 2 way street, so always make an effort for your nearest and dearest x
I think it’s completely normal to prioritise your partner, especially in a fulfilling relationship. I think spending time with your fiancé helps your relationship grow, but it’s important to also nurture your friendships too. True friends will understand if you communicate openly and still make time for them and ultimately, balance is key. The thing is maintaining both romantic and friendship connections takes effort. If your friends feel left out, talk to them and plan time together to show you value those relationships too