Hi SKB Sisters!
A user sent the below dilemma to me a few days ago. Now, this word i.e. “Situationship” is relatively new but the concept of it has been around for years if not decades. A classic scenario that many of us may know about, may have heard about and heck…maybe have even been in ourselves. According to the Oxford dictionary a “situationship” is defined as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.” Hmm sounds familiar right?
Have a read below and comment on the post with your thoughts, opinions and suggestions!
@samknowsbest
Hi She Knows Best,
I can’t believe I am saying this, I am 38 years old and I am in a situationship. I really don’t know what to do. I hate the fact that a man had made me question myself. It all started when I met this guy at a brunch 8 months ago, and we really got on. He approached me which is something that really impressed me. I hate it when guys just sit across the room and give you the “eye” but do nothing about it. Anyway, he was so talkative and manly. I loved it so we swapped numbers that day. At first, we were speaking on the phone every night, going on date nights to nice restaurants, having lunch whenever I was near his office, going on romantic walks etc When I suggested we go away during the summer, he started making excuses. Then I noticed his communication had started to go silent. So, I decided to meet him for a coffee and I asked him “So where is this going?”. His answer shocked me. He told me he didn’t want to rush things and that he really did like me but didn’t want to “label” us when things are fine as they are. He also mentioned he “had just come out of a long-term relationship” which was the first I had ever heard about it! I love spending time with him, but I don’t know what to do. Should I insist that we make things official? I have loved the past 8 months together, he has made me feel alive again but I’m really worried he won’t commit. What should I do?
@cherryknowsbest
Hi there @cherryknowsbest,
Thank you for sharing your situation—being in this kind of “in-between” space can be really confusing and emotionally draining. It sounds like you’ve had some great moments with him, and it’s totally understandable that you’ve developed feelings and want clarity after 8 months.
First of all, it’s important to acknowledge your own needs. If you’re looking for a committed relationship and he’s hesitating or giving vague answers, that’s a red flag. While it’s not uncommon for people to take things slow after a breakup, it’s concerning that he only brought up his long-term relationship after you asked about where things were headed. Clear communication is key in any healthy relationship, and it seems like he’s avoiding giving you the full picture.
You deserve someone who values you and is just as invested in building something meaningful. If his reluctance to commit or label your relationship is leaving you feeling uncertain, it’s okay to have an honest conversation with him about what you want. Let him know how you feel, and be clear about what you’re looking for. If he can’t meet your needs or isn’t ready to commit, it might be time to think about whether this situationship is serving your happiness in the long run. I myself have been in situationships in the past that almost every single time, leave me feeling hurt and unwanted. They have brought me to a low I never thought i’d be in and they really do take a toll on your self worth and self-esteem. The best thing I did for myself after some messy, confusing situationships was leave and never look back. To this day I still think about one of them in particular. I wonder if he is married, if he thinks of me, if he regrets not choosing me. But ultimately, I am better off without him. He didn’t choose me, so I chose myself.
You’re worthy of a relationship that makes you feel secure, respected, and valued. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you want—it’s better to have clarity now than to stay in a space of uncertainty.
Wishing you all the best as you navigate this!
tissueknowsbest x
Hi @tissueknowsbest I know too well how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. The past few guys I’ve gotten to know have also fallen under the ‘situationship’ category and I can now see right through it! It was a complete waste of my time and effort. It’s sad that I’m hearing more similar stories.
The truth is we live in a generation where hook-up culture is so normalised and some men are just not ready to commit. I’ve learned this the hard way. The breadcrumb tactic of love bombing at the beginning then slowly backing away is just classic behaviour from these type of guys. These ‘men’ will just keep you there as an option while not making an effort, quite frankly this is just not good enough, we deserve better! We need to know our worth.
As hard as this is to hear my love please don’t waste any more of your precious time being strung along by this person, you are not an option. You deserve to be treated like the queen that you are. If he wanted to make this work, he would be making 100% effort with you and if he’s not there’s just no excuse, no-one is that busy!! It could be time to cut the cord of this situationship and move on and I promise you girl, in time, you will see that was the best decision you made x