Hello She Knows Best,
My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 7 yrs ago, went to the hospital 5 weeks ago and passed away 3 weeks ago. I was at the hospital at night with her and my sister in the day. They told us it was the last stage of the disease, and they didn’t expect her to make it much longer. I feel like I lost a part of my mother 4 yrs ago when she stopped being able to hold on a conversation with me. She was my best friend and we always talked about everything. Then, 2 and a half yrs ago when she didn’t have any idea who I was, that really hurt and then again when she passed away.
I knew this day was coming but when I got that call from my sister around 1:10 PM on a Sunday, that my mother was gone – I still felt like this is not happening. I drove to the hospital, held her hand and kissed her head one last time. I was completely numb it did not hit me until I got in my car in the car park and thought I won’t be back here tonight…. or ever again to be by her side and I just broke down.
Her pain and suffering is gone. I know she is in a better place but I miss her so much. I just want to hold her hand again and hug her. I just want my mother. You know, years ago when she didn’t know who I was anymore, I thought that was the worst. She was already gone in my eyes at that point. But then I realised that even though she didn’t remember me and her mind was slipping away – her spirit was here still. My mother was a wonderful mother. She was independent, strong, beautiful, funny, and the best friend I ever had and that’s the way I want to remember her. This disease takes so much from the person and their family. There is a lot of grieving. It was nice to see this site, it made me cry and smile at the same time. I feel comfort knowing I can talk with you all and I really appreciate it. Thank you all for reading!
@nissanknowsbest
Hi @nissanknowsbest,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your story. I can feel the deep love you had for your mother in every word, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing someone to Alzheimer’s is such a painful and layered experience, and it’s clear you’ve been grieving for years, even before your mother’s passing. It’s incredibly hard to watch someone you love slip away in stages like that, and my heart goes out to you.
Your mother sounds like an amazing woman—strong, beautiful, independent, and someone who made a big impact on your life. It’s wonderful that you have those memories to hold on to, even though I know it’s still so hard to lose her. It’s okay to feel the sadness and the longing to hold her hand again, but I hope you find some peace knowing that her suffering has ended and that you were there for her in the ways you could be, right until the end.
Grief can come in waves, and it’s perfectly normal to feel both relief and heartache at the same time. Please be gentle with yourself as you go through this. The way you’ve described your mother’s spirit and the memories you shared are so beautiful, and I hope those memories bring you some comfort in the tough days ahead.
toothpasteknowsbest x
Good afternoon @nissanknowsbest – This was a beautiful story and hit home for me in a way that others have not with the last paragraph, I had never thought of before – that Alzheimers splits a person into two and grieving twice – sooooo very true – I lost my mum in January of 2013 to Alzheimer’s and the guilt involved and the pain of her not knowing who I was in the end were horrible – thank you nissanknowsbest for posting your story 🙂
Thank you for your honesty and brave words @nissanknowsbest. Your words touched my heart in a huge way, Thank you so so much.
Oh darling, I feel EVERY SINGLE WORD. It’s the worst grief I’ve ever known (my mom) and I just hope you find moments of peace knowing there are many of us walking beside you through this nightmare. I called a support hotline once and it was a challenging yet positive experience. The gent on the phone didn’t say much, but it was clear he knew exactly what I was going through. He just let me cry… and that helped. I hope you still have lots of laughter ahead of you and your family. Love to youx