Mum Life vs Work Life

Dear She Knows Best,

I work full time remotely. I have one 8month old at home with grandma helping to watch him. I also have one 3 year old in nursery. On paper I have it all, a work from home job with a reputable organisation. A good support system in place. A clean and secure roof over my head. Some financial security. My kids are healthy and happy.

I keep telling myself I am fortunate but I can’t shake the feeling I am always, and I mean ALWAYS, in survival mode. My request to reduce my work hours from 40 to 32 was denied (and now I’m paying for it – toxic workplace). I’m contemplating becoming a stay at home mum and just be with my babies since they are only young for a short time. But I worry about the cost of living and losing my job benefits (private pension, private health care, good salary). I feel guilty to admit this but I am a person who needs some sort of professional career – I can’t seem to make that permanent choice to be a Stay At Home Mum. I am applying to other jobs and had 2 interviews so far and was rejected. Every rejection and the lack of interviews is defeating my self esteem.

I just went through 2 rounds of sickness. I am exhausted from defusing toddler tantrums. I am tired of educating my husband about the toddler phase. My 8 month old is refusing his bottles and has sleep regression. In 2 weeks time, my 8 month old is also starting part time nursery for 3 days a week and I am dreading this. How do I balance mum life and work life? Is it an illusion?

@tiredknowsbest 

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flamingoknowsbest
4 months ago

Hey tiredknowsbest,
I will be honest with you mama – balancing a full-time job and raising two young children is no small feat. It’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed at times. I know from my own experiences of balancing work and motherhood that I always felt that panic when my 4 year old demanded my attention just as the newborn started crying; those moments can feel like a true game of tug of war. It is so so important to give yourself small pockets of quality time with each child, even if it’s just reading a quick story before bedtime or playing a short game during the day. As mothers, I feel like we need to remember to celebrate the little victories, like when your toddler finally uses their words instead of having a full blown tantrum, or when your precious baby giggles in your arms for the first time. These precious moments are what truly matter in my opinion. From one mama to another, please be kind to yourself. You are doing an INCREDIBLE job navigating this beautiful chaos. Your love and dedication are the greatest gifts you can give your children.

spongeknowsbext
4 months ago

To Tiredknowsbest, Finding the balance between work and being a devoted mother can feel like an overwhelming task, where every day presents its own problems. It’s easy to doubt yourself, but remember that you’re doing an incredible job just by showing up for both roles. Each small moment you dedicate to your children means the world and you are trying your best. Embrace the good times with the bad and just know that it’s ok to ask for help from family and friends when you need and take breaks regular breaks. You are strong and an amazing mother, don’t let your thoughts convince you you’re not. Your love makes all the difference so keep on going because you are inspiring your children by being both a hardworking professional and a nurturing mom. Lots of love xxxx

atlknowsbest
4 months ago

Hi tiredknowsbest, I am a single mum and I have a very limited support circle. It is hard for me to find childcare so I quit my job as an analyst and decided to work from home as a financial analyst expert. Yes the commute has gone but trying to look after and raise my child whilst being expected to attend meetings at unsociable hours, meet unrealistic deadlines and attend social events that end towards midnight have made the move to remote working so so hard. I am lucky I have a close friend nearby who can help with school pick up and drop offs because otherwise what would I do? I am in the same position as you, should I forget the work and just be there for my child instead of carting her off to other people? What would I do to survive? It’s a thought that I battle with everyday but you know what, I am so proud for showing up everyday and doing the best I can for myself and my beautiful daughter. I want her to see how hard I work and how I try my best to manage, I want to be a fantastic and inspiring role model to her. I know I havent given you any solutions or hard advice to fix your worries, but just know we are together and you worries are not weird or irrational. Let’s take it one day at a time and do this for the hard working mummys out there!

pepsiknowsbest
4 months ago

Honestly @tiredknowsbest – I I have kids and highly intense job. It’s so intense that all I want after work is take a nap (but I don’t). However the kids are doing great, I have a well-paying and extremely interesting work. What’s the price I pay for that? I say “no” to what most women my age say “yes”.“Let’s go shopping together” – I say “no” as it counterproductive to shop together (unless it’s my husband who simply helps me make up my mind). “There is a parent-teacher conference” – I don’t go unless my kid has a problem. “There is a new activity for kids that all our friend’s kids go to, we should go” – I say “no”. All activities we have are well planned, driving is organized and there is no need to change that unless something is wrong. “Let’s go for a drink after work” – I say “no” as I’m simply tired. So, I’m totally failing socially and don’t have many new dresses. But that’s OK. That’s the price I pay for having everything else. You may have other priorities, but family and work will still be on top and failing in everything else is just fine 🙂 The best advice I can give is to make smart choices about where you invest your time x

mindfulknowsbest
3 months ago

Hello @tiredknowsbest. I totally get how overwhelming it can feel trying to juggle being a mum and working full-time. It’s tough! The major thing that I’d say to you is don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s okay if everything doesn’t get done perfectly. Prioritise what’s most important, and let some things slide when you need to. Try to keep a routine, as it helps everyone feel more organised. But also be flexible when life doesn’t go according to plan, you are doing great xx

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