Grieving for my father

Hello all,

It’s almost a year since I lost my father. I don’t have lots of voice messages, videos or photos and to be honest with you all, I am struggling to cope with the grief. I sometimes listen to the same voice notes I have as a way to cope when I miss him. I’m also dealing with a lot of guilt and feel so much regret for not spending enough time with him. Especially in the weeks before he passed. 

I try to keep busy but I honestly feel like my world is falling apart around me. I don’t know what to do.

I have tried therapy and it didn’t help. During my sessions, I felt like I had no words to describe the grief, it is more than sadness, this is sorrow and utter devastation. So I would just sit quietly during the sessions and then before you know it, time is up. 

What do I do to accept this loss peacefully and continue with my life? How do I rid myself of the guilt and regret? And also I want to remember him in a positive way and not just keep sitting here crying and desperately wishing I could turn back time. 

I am so lost. The grief has made me closer to my mother but I am still so lost without him. I have a daily routine which includes work, walking my dog, working out in the gym 2 or 3 times a week. I also have a boyfriend and this gives me a little bit of comfort but he never met my father because we only recently started dating. So even with that, I feel so so sad that my father will never get to meet the man I end up marrying or meet my children. 

I am just in so much pain. 

@cloudsknowsbest

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flamingoknowsbest
4 months ago

I want to give you a huge hug through this screen @cloudsknowsbest. Your post made me cry and I know there are no words that can take your pain away but I want to try. Im so deeply sorry to hear about your father’s passing. I know how incredibly painful it is to lose a parent, and it can feel like such a heavy weight to carry as you carry on with this thing we call “life”. Grief can feel like an emotional and physical weight that makes even the simplest tasks like making a coffee or watching a movie, overwhelming. The huge sense of loss can affect your sleep, appetite, and concentration, leaving you feeling exhausted and lost. I know all of these feelings and these are completely normal and typical as we navigate the stages of grief. Somebody once told me after I lost my mother “When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure” and I can honestly say I absolutely treasure all the memories I have whilst she was alive. I remember the moments of sadness and happy memories and they are both bittersweet and so so beautiful. Please know that I’m here for you and that you are not alone in your grief. Treasure the moments you shared with your father and allow his memory to be the motivation to face the days ahead. You’re not alone in this journey of grief, and I truly wish you comfort and peace as you navigate through it.

pickleknowsbest
4 months ago

hi cloudsknowsbest, I’m truly heartbroken to hear about your pain. Losing a parent is such a crushing and difficult experience, and it’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed right now. Please remember that it’s okay to feel the way you do— and with time these emotions will pave the way for you to heal. I want to add, from my own experience that you learn to live with the grief but you never get over it, so dont be too harsh on yourself and allow yourself to process everything in your own time. If you want to reply back and share more of how you are feeling, I’m here for you. You are not alone in this; turn to your boyfriend and friends because they care about you, and take gentle care of yourself during this incredibly tough time. Love, strength and prayers to you x

hippiecakeknowsbest
3 months ago

hello cloudsknowsbest. grieving the loss of a parent takes time and patience. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions and take things one day at a time. Lean on supportive people, but also make space for yourself to be on your own when you need it. I found looking through photos of my parents made me feel connected to them still. I want to share one piece of advice that I once heard, and that is you don’t heal from the loss of a loved one because time passes – you heal because of what you do with the time. Such a powerful quote that helped me in the dark days. sending you love and strength x

mindfulknowsbest
3 months ago

Dear @cloudsknowsbest. Wow, I want to say thank you for reaching out to us all. I wish I could tell you something that will take your pain away. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. Please know that it’s okay to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. You don’t have to have all the answers or be strong and okay all the time. Your father’s love and memory will always be a part of you. Take care of yourself, and remember, you’re not alone. I’m here for you. xxx

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